by Marcus Lebov
It was 2006 and I was at a convention in downtown Los Angeles and I was on the deck smoking with a very pretty young thing named Jaime. I have an affinity for younger women and she was probably 19. We bumped into this guy who looked and seemed very young. Way too young to invest in a film and way too young to be any sort of businessman. Of course, he couldn’t stop ogling the 19 year old. Anyway, I started talking to him about Hollywood, L.A., yada, yada, yada…
At the time I was about to produce a very small independent feature film and Dennis Hopper was attached in a pay or play contract. The way it works in “Hollywood” – the land of lollipops and rainbows – is if I can bring other money into the mix, my producer percentage on the front end and on the back end incrementally increases.
So, I’m talking to this guy and he’s got a “Good Will Hunting” Boston accent but he’s dressed like a surfer and I start telling him about the Dennis Hopper film since I’ll never see this dude again but we exchange numbers.
In the days that followed, the guy from Boston kept calling me, saying that he had people who wanted to invest in the Dennis Hopper film. I set up a meeting between the Executive Producer, myself, and Mr. Boston.
THE MEETING – NIGHT
The main producer brought the Director of Photography, which made absolutely no sense to me. As we’re sitting on a veranda, drinking, smoking and talking about the investment potential of this Dennis Hopper film, the weirdest thing happened: Mr. Boston gives his money pitch and for the first time in a very long time, I get this sort of strange tunnel vision effect. It hits me – if Mr. Boston is legit and he can bring some real money into the mix, then why the fuck am I gonna utilize him for this crappy little Dennis Hopper film that‘s gonna tank when I can potentially use him for my adult entertainment company?
The guys who were pitching the Dennis Hopper film were wonderfully unimpressive and easily forgotten and this made me very happy because I was going to steer this Mr. Boston directly into the seedy and tumultuous world of adult cinema.
After the Dennis Hopper meeting I tell Mr. Boston, “Ya know, I also have this XXX investment opportunity and XXX yields way more money than this Dennis Hopper film could ever produce. And the initial investment is also much less than the Dennis Hopper film.”
I hear Mr. Boston fiddling around with his phone – for some reason he always seemed to have at least like 17 things going on at once — and then Mr. Boston says, “Tell me everything about this porn investment!”
When you’re pitching adult entertainment, the big question an investor will ask you is can I fuck the girls?
I say, “Well, I have this buddy who works in that industry and as I’ve been working behind the scenes in legit Hollywood for a long time now, these porn people do not tend to come across as the most forthright, intellectual, quick-witted and or intelligent faction, but the owners, the producers, and the investors are making money, while they fuckin’ sleep!”
“How much money do you need and when do you need it?” Mr. Boston asks.
Everyone watches porn, no matter what they say.
I click off my cell phone and say, “Why did I not get into porn 9 fucking years ago?”
Adult entertainment is the number 1 United States export. If you do it right, it’s a license to print money.
EXT. A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE – PASADENA, CA – 10:07AM
So I’m renting a modest guest house in Pasadena from a guy named Dave and I actually knew Dave from way back; he was an actor on a TV show I worked on about 2 years after I first moved to L.A. Dave’s a blog unto himself, a working actor at one time, with family money he concealed quite well. Dave was and is a total dick – if you’ve ever seen the film “Weird Science” Dave is Chet. Dave would go to AA meetings to pick up and screw vulnerable women, he would fuck them like dish rags. Dave never walked past a mirror without stopping to admire himself. In short, Dave was the older brother I never wanted. We’ll re-visit Dave because I was renting a place from him as this whole XXX thing was starting up.
INT. MY GUEST HOUSE – PASADENA, CA – 10:07AM
My phone rings. I look at the caller I.D. and it reads Boston.
I pick up the phone and grab my iced coffee as I sit down on the steps of my guest house.
I’ll have 30 thousand dollars of my own cash to put into this
XXX thing by de end ‘a da week, how many movies can
we make wit dat?…
It’s a little more detailed than that…
What da ‘ya mean?
Let me call my manager Splash. I’ve known him for 9 years… He’s my manager, my consultant, my mentor, he’s helped and advised me on anything and everything I’ve done in this
town that was worth its weight in gold, and he knows everyone… I mean everyone!
Listen Ray! I’m not payin’ this fuckin’ Splash guy
Relax, I’ll call you back after I talk
to him, OK?
Ray! I’m not payin’ anyone to tell us what we can or can’t do…
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