¯\_(ツ)_/¯ is the only reaction one of us has for why The Girl on the Train novel became a sensation. That same one of us did not make it through the audiobook—boring and whiny—and barely made it through the movie. It’s safe to say, then, that this is less than a glowing review of the movie. The only plaudits, really, go to Emily Blunt for a convincing portrayal of a drunk. Everything but the actors—from the unspecific interiors to the wooden dialogue—is redolent of a B-movie production. And while the stunning Haley Bennett titillates in a few scenes, 50 Shades of Grey this is not. Nor, despite the delicious twist, was this Gone Girl, a more lurid and interesting narrative. Oh, yeah, and we almost forgot to set up the story: a day-dreaming, unemployed, alcoholic woman, peering out her train window, sees or doesn’t see something. Go see—or don’t see—this movie. But don’t say one of us didn’t warn you.
By Alec Julian & Carrie White